The Loquacious Limey

Will and Grace co-star, Sean Hayes drops the last veil

[The Limey] – In the final denouement of what may be Hollywood’s worst-kept secret since the personal life choices of the late Liberace, Will and Grace actor Sean Hayes has finally agreed that he’s gay.

When the now 39-year old actor first appeared on the screen in 1998 as Will’s constantly unemployed neighbor, Jack McFarland, speculation soon grew that no straight guy could play ‘gay’ so well. But Sean was then in public denial.

“When you see me play Jack, I want you to believe that’s a gay character. And when I play a straight character, I want you to believe that, too,” he explained to the press when the show ended its eight-year, 16-Emmy winning run in 2006.

But now, faced with an imminent Broadway debut opposite the sparkling Kristin Chenoweth in ‘Promises, Promises’ a 1968-vintage musical based on the Jack Lemmon film, ‘The Apartment’ Sean has finally decided he’s a gay Emmy winner, and proud of these facts.

“I feel I’ve contributed monumentally to the success of the gay movement in America, and if anyone wants to argue that, I’m open to it,” he rashly declares.

But Sean also tells Qweerty the years of suspicion and whispers really hurt;

“Why would you go down that path with somebody who’s done so much for the gay community?” he asks. “That’s the thing about celebrity – It sets you up to fail because the expectation is so high. What more do you want me to do? Stand on a float? Then what? It’s never enough!”

For me, all that’s really required is to drop the pretense and admit who you are. Especially when you then plan to claim ‘monumental’ contributions to the struggle endured by those you coldly denied as your peers for more than a decade.

This entire admission is entirely self-serving and too long overdue. I remain unimpressed…

James Cameron’s Avatar deserved Oscar snub

[The Limey] So the music has faded, the red carpet’s rolled up and the whole endless ego-fest is over for a year. Or at least, until James Cameron demands a recount.

But of all the clues to be gathered from this glitzy debacle, two stand out above all: Having an original story helps to win the gold man, while beating your audience over the head with disingenuous, self-serving hype demonstrably does not.

Both prior to and since its debut on December 18, Fox and James Cameron have engaged in a sickening, endless and often clandestine campaign of hype for their $237-million curio, desperately trying to maximize their box-office profits and win the gold man.

And they failed.

Only the art directors, the cinematographer and the geniuses at Wikka Digital with their TRS-80’s took home a prize. James and his tired, plodding and derivative story were rightfully left empty handed.

And the moral of this story is far clearer than the plot of that film; To be successful you need to actually be good at your job. Inept mediocrity inflated by hype does not make a star, or ensure true success.

Many ‘celebrities’ would do well to take notes.

Conan O’Brien picks a feathery friend on Twitter

[TheLimey] – The curious, virtual peacock that is Twitter has gained a great deal of press since many so-called celebrities jumped aboard to stroke their own egos and compound their fame. But Conan O’Brien is the one viable celeb who has found a good use.

Since he began tweeting on February 24 the 46-year old host has garnered 555,441 followers – and counting. But he’s followed no-one – Until now.

“I’ve decided to follow someone at random,” he tweeted yesterday. ”She likes peanut butter and gummy dinosaurs. Sarah Killen, your life is about to change,” read Conan’s newest tweet – only his tenth in two weeks.

And he was right – In 24-hours the formerly anonymous Michigan resident saw her account’s followers rise from 3 to 11,730 – all due to Conan.

But unlike most of the celebrities Coco could have followed, were he that dumb, Sarah is using the overnight fame to help other people – She’s planning to walk 60-miles in 3-days to raise funds for the Susan G. Komen Foundation and asked her new fans to donate to the cause.

And true to the spirit of Conan’s disciples, they did – RBR says she’s raised over $1,200 in one day.

Herself a long-time fan of Coco, Sarah’s also planning a wedding in September, and would love her feathery friend to drop by;

“We were only going to invite, like, twenty people. So if he came it could be as big as he wanted,” she told MTV. “He could bring anyone he wanted. He could have more people there than I do.”

She was also asked by the scribes if she thought Coco should start a new show?

“He definitely needs to. Definitely.” she enthused. “He has no idea what he did for me. Just the one day, this is the most awesome day ever!”

Now that’s a charming story, don’t you think? Whatever your views on Conan’s exit from NBC, the man has real class. Most people would have given withering interviews to anyone who would listen [and pay,] bemoaning their treatment, threatening lawsuits and demanding redress.

But not Coco – He picks a random tweeter and changes her life, and she in turn is using that fame to benefit others. And that’s a rare and very welcome event.

As for Conan’s own future path, Ticketmaster’s computers are now buckling under the influx of orders for his newly-announced live show in Phoenix on April 30th, with a nationwide tour after that. So the man is by no means out of the game.

And if he could choose a few more people like Sarah, the result could truly show NBC for the clueless, brainless, ratings-bound droids all his fans now know they are…

Photo by Orky

MTV’s Jersey Shore now owes us big bucks

[The Limey] – After nine endless, pain-riddled weeks MTV’s latest hype-driven insult, Jersey Shore has vacated our screens. But rather than give the public a few weeks of BS-free silence the ‘network’ is now leaking stories on how the ‘cast’ of this mindless farce are supposedly demanding more money to do it again.

The offer from their puppet-masters was $10,000 to sign on for next season, and $5,000 a show. But TMZ, says the mindless mouth-breathers who have infested our collective perception like an unwelcome mold are supposedly holding out for $10,000 a show.

MTV has a contractual hold on them for another year, so the cast do not even have the right to renegotiate – Thus proving this entire ’story’ is more brainless, self-serving hype served to a docile, enabling media by the patronising imbeciles who run MTV.

I say, screw the cast – Anyone whose life is so blighted as to have suffered the merest mention or vestige of this televisual abortion should receive compensation for enduring the unrelenting, cretinous, mind-rotting PR tricks MTV has used to promote it…

Photo by: Ceekay

Heidi Montag CD suffers withering sales

[The Limey] After three years of merciful peace, reality star Heidi Montag released her first album on an innocent world at the end of December. And in a characteristically understated display of unfounded ego she announced it was destined for gold.

Entitled ‘Superficial’ this tuneless, unwelcome dirge was supposed to be released in 2007, but got delayed as no sane label would touch it. Then it was due in July of 09 – but mercifully, that didn’t occur either.

Finally, on December 29th Heidi confirmed the album would be issued on the label run by her and her hamster-haired husband – Pratt Productions – and be available solely online.

Now the good news: In its first week of release, Nielsen says this miserable assemblage of atonal ramblings has sold less than 1,000 copies.

I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself.

To be exact, the true scale of her underwhelming achievement is just 658 downloads. Worldwide.

This should serve as a much-needed [and long overdue] dose of actual reality for the reality ’star,’ who claimed she used her own money and almost went broke creating the clearly unendurable insult. But her voices apparently told her she’d soon get it back;

“I put every dollar I have into this, ” she told Us. “I’ve spent almost $2 million. It’s cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality…The songs will make an impact in pop history!”

The truth proved somewhat plainer – You need talent to be successful, and she has so far shown none.

Even assuming those numbers are right and this abysmal mistake took 3-years and $2-million, there are only two viable options – She’s either a) lying to get attention, or b) so utterly and irrevocably devoid of talent she was incapable of producing even a remotely musical sound, so they had to pay sound engineers to spend 2.9 years on AutoTune to make her sound human.

‘As ye sew, so shall ye reap,’ says the book. Ms. Montag reaped untalented failure. I hope, for all our sakes she can now take a hint…

Photo: BDHQ

Lindsay Lohan’s ‘fame’ continues to fade…

[The Limey] – On Monday every D-list starlet’s favorite outlet for self-serving stories, those ubiquitous ‘friends’ spoon-fed a laughably transparent tale to the down-market tabloids that Lindsay Lohan was engaging in ‘knife play’ and ‘cutting herself’ from despair.

The resulting attention then gave Ms. Lohan the chance to ‘graciously’ speak to the media directly, firmly denying she’d done any such thing.

Result? 3-4 days of cost-free, worldwide attention, without one iota of talent or work being required.

Replace Lohan with the ’star’ of your choice and you get the same result:

Day 1) ‘Leak’ a dumb story to the low-rent media
Day 2) Bathe in attention
Day 3) Release a statement denying dumb story
Day 4) Get more attention
Day 5) Make up another dumb story…

…Then just wash, rinse and repeat until your career is so fried they find you lifeless in the bathroom, surrounded by pills.

One day Lindsay will use the ‘knife play’ trick again [or something like it,] and get all the attention even an ego on her scale could wish for.

Posthumously.

Jay Leno regains Tonight Show…or does he?

[The Limey] That beacon of truth and incisive reporting, TMZ is running a story that NBC and Jay Leno have struck a deal which puts Jay firmly back on the throne he should never have left.

The Hollywood Reporter, meanwhile, says that story’s hokum and no deal has been reached.

So, who to believe?

The whole tiresome spat began over ratings, but if NBC could put something even remotely this interesting on their airwaves more often the two hosts would not have bad ratings in the first place!

What I want to know is, the way this fiasco is leading it looks like Leno gets his old job back, and Conan quits his – Yet the meddlesome mouth-breathers who caused the whole mess all get to keep theirs.

…What’s wrong with this picture?

Jay Leno returns to Tonight Show?

In a final, long-stalled admission of brain-strangling stupidity that will be coated with spin and presented as a triumph of creative thought, TMZ is reporting Jay Leno is now scheduled to take back his show.

Having been up-rooted from the Tonight Show in May – which he had made one of NBC’s few successes - reports are now floating the 59-year old host will be given a break from his primetime show during the Winter Olympics, then resurface in March – back at his old show.

“Jay Leno is one of the most compelling entertainers in the world today,” said NBC in a statement. “His show has performed exactly as we anticipated. It has, however, presented issues for our affiliates. Both Jay and the show are committed to working with them to improve the performance.”

The desk-bound intellectual midgets who uprooted Jay for no explicable reason other than a childish desire to break all their toys are now said to have met with both Jay and Conan O’Brien to discuss undoing their blunder, and while denying any firm decision has been made they did not refute TMZ’s reports that a change is in play.

Other than to cover their own asses and thus save their own jobs, the main motive for this overdue reboot is clearly the only other fact NBC ever cares about – The ratings are bad; Conan has been losing 2-million viewers a night to David Letterman, and to the NBC suits that’s a major red flag – Numbers like that might get them fired…at last.

Conversely, when Jay had the desk, Dave’s show was never more than a dot in the mirrors.

Assuming TMZ is correct [which has been known,] this means Jay will disappear in three weeks, be gone for a month, then return to a set from which he dominated the ratings for seventeen years. And the profit-driven pin-heads who caused this debacle will present their desperate reversal as creative success.

…Then they’ll go right back to wondering why no-one will watch…

[by: The Loquacious Limey.]

NBC’s Comcast deal could still spell the end

Today may be a very dark day in this history of this nation’s TV. The New York Times is reporting that nine months of coercing, cajoling and infeasible cash have persuaded General Electric to let Comcast buy NBC.

This potential downside of this deal is not far short of a nightmare – The people so underfunded with brains they moved Jay Leno from his throne on the Tonight Show to a deathwatch in prime-time have sold out to the people whose boss gave his girlfriend, Chelsea Handler a job, then expected the nation to call her a ’star.’

The deal, which will see Comcast pay $6.5-billion in cash and $7.25-billion in assets and debt values NBC at about $30 billion. The implications, however, value its dwindling audience and their remaining intelligence at a far lower rate.

In return for saving NBC’s over-staffed rear from inevitable Chapter 11, Comcast will get a 51% stake in NBC’s cable streams – USA, Bravo, SyFy, CNBC, Telemundo and MSNBC.

NBC itself, and even Universal Studios are regarded as ‘only a small portion’ of the network’s gross value, so says their release.

Jeff Zucker, the current head of NBC-Universal will remain as chief executive, but would be answerable to Comcast’s Chief Operating Officer, Stephen Burke. And Mr. Zucker, the chief architect of NBC’s deliberate down-market slide and the hemorrhaging ratings his choices then caused, calls the decision “the start of a new era” for NBC.

Presumably one in which they don’t make shows that would insult a plank and attract audiences that could get lost in a phone booth?

But it could have been worse – Comcast tried to inhale the Walt Disney Company in 2004, but thankfully failed. And the word is that even Rupert Murdoch had considered a bid.

Can you imagine?? NBC’s whole stable of channels corrupted to be as ultra-right wing and malfeasant as Fox?

NBC once held a proud place in this nation’s fabric, but its recent self-inflicted malaise has since faded that luster. Comcast’s new broom could be just what it needs, but as long as Jeff Zucker and the over-paid suits who both caused and presided over its recent illness are allowed to remain, the wounds will not heal – and nor will the ratings.

NBC’s sale may be over, but its illness lives on. It might not be fatal, but let’s watch and see…

Post by: The Limey. Photo by BoucherMedia

Adrien Brody to lead Predator reboot

In yet another unjustified reboot, Oscar winner Adrien Brody has now signed on for Fox’s latest horrendous mistake – the forthcoming remake of Predator.

The 36-year old New Yorker will now join Robert Rodriguez’ upcoming retread of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1987 jungle-based romp, which Rodriguez is now writing along with some friends.

‘That 70’s Show’s Topher Grace is also debating getting involved, and if the price gets worked out he’ll join Alice Braga, ‘The Shield’s Walt Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, the UFC star, and one of Rob’s favorite actors [and his second cousin,] Danny Trejo.

This time around – who knows how many more there will be?? – the story concerns a group of elite warriors who become unwilling prey to a swarm of alien trackers called Predators. Adrien is the leader, who has a strong rep as a hunter of men. Topher, meanwhile, plays a placid bean-counter, inside of whom lurks a serial killer. Braga – last seen in ‘I Am Legend’ – is a cold-hearted assassin, Goggins will play a radical type and Taktarov will be a Russian Special Ops expert.

And in what sounds like the most fun role of all, 64-year old Trejo will be a merciless warrior who roams the world with two loaded Uzis strapped on his back.

Shooting is penciled-in for Hawaii next month, with interiors, effects shots and green-screening booked to be done at Rodriguez’ ‘Troublemaker Studios’ in Texas. The finished movie is slated to bow on July 9th, 2010.

Photo by Mecredis