The Loquacious Limey

Jackie Evancho wows on America’s Got Talent

[The Limey] – The history of music has been blessed with many whose vocal dexterity could hold an audience spellbound, and thanks to America’s Got Talent a new name can be added to that lustrous list – Jackie Evancho.

For Tuesday’s show all the contestants had to submit their auditions by You Tube. One such video came from ten-year old Jackie – and she has the potential to redefine song.

Born in Pittsburgh, PA, the tiny starlet appeared on stage with her long blond hair accenting a dress which gave no clue of the wonders within. The orchestra then formed the opening bars of “O mio babbino caro,” a dramatic aria from Puccini’s 1918 opera ‘Gianni Schicchi.’

And from her small frame came a quite magical sound.

Blending the upper-register trills of the divine Lesley Garrett with the velvet-smooth mid-range that has made Kiri Te Kanawa the rightful focus of worship, Jackie gave a performance of such melodic perfection it left the audience in raptures and the judges all stunned.

“All we wanted was to find that one moment; that one gem,” gushed Howie Mandel. “And you know what? This is the moment; You’re the star.”

Piers Morgan was also left fumbling for words;

“That is one of the most extraordinary performances I’ve ever seen,” he beamed at the dimple-cheeked prima donna.

And Sharon seemed equally floored, “I can’t believe that voice came out of your tiny body,” she said, clearly moved.

The audition ended with Jackie in tears and the audience in full-throated wonder. Watch the video and see how you feel…

Jason Bateman shows inflated ego at iPhone event

[The Limey] – Fans of Apple’s curious form of overpriced bling are often blessed with a calm outward demeanor, but Jason Bateman made more than 2,000 of them implacable enemies yesterday when he cut in line for the new iPhone 4G.

The former “Arrested Development” star was waiting in line outside Apple’s store at the Grove shopping mall in West Hollywood yesterday, eager to secure the new phone on the day it came out.

Then a store clerk appeared, plucked 41-year old Jason out of the throng and escorted him straight into the store.

“Everyone literally started booing and hissing,” one Apple fanboy told Us Weekly.

‘The crowd just freaked and booed, and he put his head down,’ another recalls.

Once kitted out with the latest technological crutch for a clearly malformed and unstable ego Jason then left the store, met by a chorus of more booing and cat-calls – without saying one single word to those he insulted.

The clearly misplaced admiration of his limited work by those standing in line had given this arrogant ingrate the rare privilege of both the free time and the money to buy the phone in the first place. And their respect is rewarded with inexcusable, self-serving behavior like this.

Also, photos on Us Magazine’s site, and other places, show Jason outside the store with a phone in his hand…Now, how do you suppose the Apple staff knew he was out there?

Does anyone know an app Jason could download that would let him say ‘Sorry, I’m an arrogant a-hole!” to 2,000+ people at once?

Photo: Luke Ford

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ’split’ caused by greed

[The Limey] – By now you’ve endured every attention-gaining excuse Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag can make up for their ’split.’ But the real reason for this latest infantile play for attention is simple – these two dim-bulbs just ran out of cash.

It’s well known that Spencer, 26, serves as the ‘brains’ of the outfit, guiding both their so-called careers to new heights of public indifference in an ongoing quest to be famous while doing no work. Now ‘friends’ say this is flawed by an utter lack of restraint over money.

“He’d give me $100 just to take his trash out,” one source tells Radar. “He has about $100,000 in cars just sitting in the drive; There’s a Porsche Cayenne SUV [that's $58,000,] a ‘68 Camaro [$30,000+ for a nice one] and a lifted truck he bought for $26,000.”

And further frivolous spending [like Heidi's $400,000 upgrade to pure Tupperware] allegedly put this vapid pair in a nose-dive: According to very convenient ’sources’ the couple’s bank account was drained down to pennies by the end of last season’s ‘The Hills.’

“They were definitely in the hole,” says the snitch. “Their business manager was calling the house every day. They were both tripping because of the funds.”

Then ‘The Hills’ was canceled and ‘Speidi’ were suddenly faced by the blood-chilling prospect of getting a job.

And then came the news of the ’split.’

And if you didn’t see a connection they’d be totally thrilled.

There’s an old saying – ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”…To which we can add in this case, ‘Try to fool me every single time you open your mouth and don’t be surprised if we no longer care!”

Mariah Carey proves she’s just one more diva

[The Limey] – In what you can expect to be merely the latest in a long line of teases and ‘leaks’ on her condition it’s now being claimed that Mariah Carey and husband, Nick Cannon are preparing for twins.

The adolescent campaign of teases and self-serving denials began when Mariah, 41, was spied at the ‘Southern California Reproductive Center’ in Beverly Hills – which is a top-rated fertility clinic.

That was on Mother’s Day. Now it seems the treatments she was so coy about getting have resulted in twins.

“Mariah is gushing that she’s going to have twins.” a source tells the Enquirer. “Mariah and Nick both want a big family.”

Now, bearing in mind it took MC and Nick almost two months to stop this infantile teasing and tell fans the truth, the next part of this shameful PR campaign is tackier still:

“If & when my wife is ready to make any announcements about private matters she will do it personally,” Nick sneered via Twitter on Wednesday. “Thanks for being respectful.”

Respectful?? How about showing one grain of ‘respect’ for the people who have paid for every single thing you and your ungrateful, game-playing spouse have eaten, drunk, worn, lived in or touched for two years at least;

Your fans don’t deserve to be played with like this, therefore neither you nor your wife deserve fans.

Photo by: David

MTV reportedly fires Jersey Shore cast over greed

[The Limey] – In a disputed piece that is almost certainly more MTV hype it’s being reported that the entire cast of that peerless example of brainless inbreeding, ‘Jersey Shore’ are due to be axed and replaced before season three.

Somebody up there likes me!

Pop Eater says the repugnant collection of talentless half-wits that comprises the cast demanded $10,000-a-show each to make season two. And once season three was discussed they wanted even more.

MTV [allegedly] refused.

Season two starts on July 29, and the odds that this is merely hype to lure even more people into subjecting themselves to one of the most offensive examples of mental-floss television are depressingly high.

But if the story is true, it proves even MTV has the IQ to reject the demands of arrogant, greed-driven imbeciles.

The claims of mass firing are so far unconfirmed, so watch this space and I’ll let you know if this story survives…

Betty White doubles SNL ratings, both new viewers amused

[The Limey] – So, after what feels like six moths of endless, relentless and immeasurably pointless hype and self-serving marketing, the great Betty White / SNL spectacular is finally done.

Now we can suppose NBC will spend the next six months telling us how smart, funny and bitingly relevant the show still is – which is a lie – and how those who don’t watch it clearly need help. But let’s get one thing clear up-front:

If an 88-year old can give teen-focused SNL its best ratings in two years, that only proves what a tired, humorless, self-absorbed corpse the show has become.

For me, it’s a fail. I’m just glad this incessant and patronizing NBC-driven PR stunt is over.

Did Ryan Seacrest save American Idol hopeful from quitting?

[The Limey] – In between being every B-list celebrity’s favorite agony aunt on his KIIS-FM radio show, Ryan Seacrest also finds time to front American Idol, and he’s now being praised for saving one contestant, Crystal Bowersox from losing her chance at the prize.

Crystal, it seems, was in the process of quitting the show when Ryan did some fast talking and made the wannabe star change her mind.

Crystal told Ryan she couldn’t handle the pressure, hated all the attention and was going back to her family in Ohio, as being away for so long was making her miserable.

Ryan, 35, quickly explained that being on ‘Idol’ was like starting a business, and that if she was successful she’d get a recording contract and could become really rich.

“The greatest thing I ever did was make enough money to buy my Mom a house. You can buy your Mom a house,” he told the sad-faced chanteuse.

And that changed her mind…or so the Herald claims.

Personally I don’t buy this for a second. First, why would someone who ‘hated’ attention deliberately audition for a national TV show? And why would being told that success would make her rich through the mass application of the very element she claims to detest make someone with such an allergy reverse her decision and stay?

This kind of entirely unproven ‘drama’ boosts ratings, and as such it has Simon Cowell’s sticky, self-centered paw-marks all over it.

What do you think?…

Photo by: Jyle

Hollywood needs a new blacklist

[The Limey] – People, we need a blacklist. A list of all the brainless, worthless, attention-seeking egocentrics who are currently suffering from the groundless delusion they’re famous.

I’m talking about the seemingly unending swathe of mediocre performers who are so irreparably inept, yet driven by ego they engage in one risible, lamentable and inexcusable publicity stunt after another to achieve notoriety and unwarranted wealth by exploiting and insulting the very people they should regard as the single most important life-forms on this planet – the few blameless souls who even know they’re alive: Their fans.

We need a list which, once one of these dim-bulbs is rightfully placed on it, renders them effectively invisible to all modern media. No interviews, no gossip, no exposure at all – no matter what slick yet desperate stunt they might try to provoke it.

After a short time of such treatment it’s my belief those who face this position will either develop some definable talent – at last – or quit ’showbiz’ altogether and seek out a job they can actually do; Thus freeing both the media’s time and the public’s attention to focus on those comparatively rare beings who possess both a talent and the willingness to work and thereby deserve the reward.

I’ll start the list:–

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, Heidi Montag [and her hamster-haired cohort,] Madonna, Jon Gosselin and Jennifer Aniston.

If you can think of others – and there are dozens – add them as comments and let’s get that list made, then we’ll all get some peace…

Photo by Viv

Joaquin Phoenix stars in brutal PETA fur ad

[The Limey] – When Joaquin Phoenix stepped out of the limelight in 2008 the world lost a fine actor. Now back, and with a movie in which he’ll play Edgar Allen Poe already in development Joaquin has made a new film for PETA – and the story is brutally true.

The 35-year Puerto Rico-born actor has already made one PSA in support of suicide prevention, but this time he stars in a video supporting PETA’s campaign to end the sickening and barbaric practice of using animals for fashion.

“Exotic animals are mostly unknown to us,” he says in the video. “And so is what they suffer before being turned into belts and bags. You can help stop the suffering. Anything you have that is made from animal skins can be made without,” the message goes on.

The video cuts between scenes of Joaquin talking and clips that show just a few of the ways in which snakes, alligators and other reptiles are bludgeoned to death and even prematurely skinned to be turned into shoes, boots, handbags, jackets and belts – all to feed the vanity of those who have neither their beauty, nor the IQ to care.

I have not eaten meat or worn leather in more than two decades, and the brutal and brainless abuse and its motives that are undoubtedly displayed in this film – which I would never watch – are one reason why.

For the ghoulishly curious who have not recently eaten, you can watch the PSA here. But PETA don’t pull their punches so don’t say you weren’t warned…

Source

Anna Nicole Smith case hits the buffers – at last

[The Limey] – After a relentless 15-year fight to gain money there is not one iota of evidence had ever been promised a Federal appeals court in Texas today ruled that those representing the late Anna Nicole Smith should not get to rob her late husband

This whole classless story began when the pair met in October, 1991 at Gigi’s, a strip club in Houston where Anna was working. They married on June 27, 1994.

Smith was 26. Marshall was 89.

Thirteen months later on August 4, 1995 J. Howard died, and Anna’s stubborn campaign to mine his $1.6-billion estate did not stop from that day until she was found unresponsive in Room 607 of the Hard Rock Hotel in Seminole, Florida, on February 8th of 2007.

Today, the Texas appeals court has drawn what, if her relatives can grasp the merest concepts of decent behavior, should be the final and unassailable line under this whole sordid case. Her greedy kin will get nothing.

It’s doubtful Ms. Smith could teach most of us much, but to her legions of peers who see easy money in using their gender she leaves one clear and unequivocal lesson;

If you really want to be rich, try the old fashioned route — Zip up your cleavage and earn it!…