The Loquacious Limey

Can Spencer Pratt be America’s King?

In a story even more risible than yesterday’s news of a failed pageant queen’s new fame-seeking lawsuit, US Magazine now reports that the indisputable king of the airheads has decided to update his name.

In the future, please call him ‘King Spencer Pratt.’

And the 26-year old star of MTV’s high-saccharine soap, ‘The Hills’ appears perfectly serious in this witless new plan, “I’ve decided, since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William, there should be a King of America,” he tells the admirably straight-faced reporters. “And I nominate myself for that role.”

Well that’s a relief, because I don’t yet see both his fans exactly forming a line to do it instead.

And the aptly named Mr. Pratt is not finished yet. He also thinks Heidi Montag should now gain a new crown. In a recent discussion with the MTV scribes he called his new wife, “the modern-day, 2010 Michael Jackson.”

Without being asked, he went on to explain that Heidi is somehow Michael’s rightful successor, “Michael Jackson’s in heaven,” he opined in nice, easy short words. “The Holy Spirit now has extra Michael Jackson juice, and for all we know, Heidi gets possessed with some of the Michael Jackson divine spirit.”

So let’s get this straight – The man wants to pay out good money to be called “King Spencer Pratt’? That’s a mistake. I don’t know one person who has seen him perform that does not already call him something close at no charge.

I’ll admit there’s an additional syllable, but I’d say it’s good value.

And well deserved.

Photo by Gamer

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Can Spencer Pratt be America’s King?

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