A group of scientists at Knome labs in Massachusetts tested the 61-year old rock-god’s DNA and found several genetic mutations that have let him survive substance abuse that would put any normal life-form on a mortuary slab.

“Some of them we’ve never seen before,” said Nathaniel Pearson, a geneticist who is part of the team.

But the news is not even vaguely surprising to America’s Got Talent judge and Ozzy’s wife of 28-years, Sharon Osbourne;

“I’ve always said that at the end of the world there will be roaches, Ozzy and Keith Richards,” she explained, laughing. “He’s going to outlive us all. That fascinated me – how can his body endure so much.”

Ozzy has a history of alcohol and drug use that boggles the mind; He once admitted to doing LSD every day for two years, and says he drank booze ‘like water.’ And the scientists say his mutations are largely why he endured all that and survived.

“He has a tendency for alcohol dependency that’s around six times higher,” says Knome co-founder Jorge Conde. “He also has an increased risk for cocaine addiction. If anyone else had done as much as he has, they’d have been hooked. Or dead.”

Ozzy also has twice the risk of hallucinations if he smokes pot. But he calmly admits he mixed so many drugs, he didn’t even know if pot was the cause. And the study truly amused him;

“I was curious,” he admits. “Given the swimming pools of booze I’ve guzzled, not to mention all the cocaine, morphine, pills, LSD,…you name it – there’s really no plausible reason why I’m alive,” he told a British newspaper recently.

But it’s not all good news; Ozzy now suffers from a constant tremor similar to Parkinson’s disease, and his hearing is almost gone. But whether these were caused by the drugs the doctors can’t tell…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
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Ozzy Osbourne ‘a mutant’ claim Knome researchers

Still coping with the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson, in March of this year, the 57-year old Irish-born actor says he’s proud of his roots, but the warmth and support he’s received from the American people since losing Natasha has convinced him to join a new team, “That is partly why I’ve recently become an American citizen,” the UK’s Daily Telegraph quotes him as saying.’ “I’m still a proud Irishman, of course, but I’ve become an US citizen – I’m very proud of that.”

Asked how he and his two sons, Michael, 14, and 13-year old Daniel were coping with the loss of Natasha following a freak skiing accident last March in Quebec, Liam became more reserved, “To be honest, we are taking each day as it comes,” he confessed. “But we’re doing okay.”

Liam also paid tribute to another great loss; Senator Kennedy, recalling how this fine man had comforted him after losing Natasha, “I met him a couple of times, and he wrote a very beautiful, touching letter of condolence when Natasha died earlier this year,” Neeson said. “He was a special man. It’s the end of an era.”

Liam’s a fine actor, but this is bizarre. He’s gone from permanent resident to fully-fledged citizen in less than six months – a process that takes most of us years! I admire the man’s talent, but this timing just sucks.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Liam Neeson takes on a major new role

Samantha Burke, the 24-year old Hollywood wannabe who claimed Jude is her baby’s true daddy has since been ignored by the tabloids, so now a close friend has stepped up to further her claims by explaining events.

“She met Jude at a club in New York,” says the friend. “He was ill, so she went to his hotel over the course of a week to take care of him.”

Apparently, Jude was so deep in malady, he didn’t recall this ‘angel of mercy’ who came to his room and tended his needs; Perhaps once or twice while standing up? “Jude didn’t even remember her,” the friend continues. “She hasn’t seen him since then. They’ve only been in contact through their lawyers.”

Mr. Law is an actor. Actors have agents. To just write and say ‘hi,’ therefore does not need a law firm.

With even the supermarket media not returning her calls, Samantha has been hard at work on her blog to point out her views, “I can’t tell you how far from a gold-digger I am,” she writes. “I’ve never dated a rich man in my life. I’ve always wondered how girl-friends could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes.”

As was mentioned before, these same girlfriends told reporters how Samantha had boasted for years that she’d met and dated famous men, such as  Jeremy Piven, runway star Tyson Beckford and Philadelphia Eagles linebacker, Stewart Bradley.

And the friends told the press there were quite a few more.

The gal-pal also thinks Samantha is ‘crazy’ to go through with the birth. She tells E-Online that Ms. Burke lives in “a very white-trashy town” in Pensacola, Florida, and that “her family doesn’t have any money.”

And this girl knows her well – which reopens the question of just what Samantha’s true motives might be.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Jude Law has no memory of lame baby-mamma

Rupert, whose work as Ron Weasley has made him a millionaire at the age of just 20, is quite coy on the news, “A lot of people think there’s something going on between us because I have to kiss Emma on film.” he says. “I’ll be honest – it’s not something I’m dreading. As for who has the worst crush on her – me or Radcliffe – I’d rather not say.”

But Rupert confirms that the much-lauded smooch, shown in ‘Half-Blood Prince,’ which bows on July 15, was a ‘weird’ experience. “We’ve known each other for ten years, so it was a bit like kissing my sister,” he told News reporters.

That must be one smokin’-hot sibling.

But not all his success has been schmoozing and spells; The redheaded actor, who has a deep fear of spiders, has also experienced the down-side of fame, “It’s taken me years to get used to being recognized in the street,” he admits. “But the most terrifying thing was a newspaper photo of a book-burning in the deep south. There was picture of me on the fire, because those folks thought the films endorsed witchcraft. That’s when it hit me how big all this had become.”

On the upside, Mr. Grint, who earns $6-million a film, has now left his hand-prints at Grauman’s Chinese Theater, alongside most of the Hollywood greats.

But Rupert has not let either fame or the money affect him too much; While most famous actors have fleets of fast cars, Rupert’s transport of choice is a broken-down pickup, and a working ice-cream truck for when he needs fun.

And he’s also no fool about love, “I know I could use the fame to meet women, but I don’t want to meet a girl who’s trying to take advantage of that. And I don’t Google myself because the results are too scary.”

You have to love it – At an age when most of us were seeking a treatment for acne, he has more money than most of his fans put together, and women just standing in line. Oh, that we all had his problems…

Photo: Sean McGrath

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Harry Potter actor admires Emma Watson

The 6’4” Irishman, who turned 57 last Sunday, will play Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith, assuming the role first brought to life by the late George Peppard, while Law & Order SVU’s Bradley Cooper, 34, looks set to play Hannibal’s versatile sidekick, Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck.

For those not old enough to remember this intellectually untroubled classic, the story rests on four Vietnam vets wrongly convicted of armed robbery, who then break out of jail to right the world’s wrongs. But the glossy, explosion-filled nature of the high-octane original will give way to a more subtle tone, like that found in ‘Mission: Impossible’ or George Clooney’s glorious ‘Ocean’s Eleven.’

Ridley Scott [Alien] and his brother, Tony, will head the production, with Joe Carnahan [Smokin' Aces] on-board to direct. Shooting starts in late August, with a scheduled debut in June of next year.

Source: Variety

Photo by Karen

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
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Liam Neeson joins Fox’s A-Team

In her NY Post column, Maureen Callahan has expressed her concerns about Ms. Boyle’s sudden rise, and frankly I agree with her reasons. Like American Idol, “Britain’s Got Talent” is run as his personal fiefdom by Simon Cowell, and I wouldn’t trust that man to tell me the time.

Before I have trouble opening my inbox because of the hate-mail this might inspire, let me make it quite clear — I place not one shred of doubt or dissent at the feet of Ms. Boyle. She looks like a wonderful lady, and her voice – unlike so many ‘stars’ – is real, and actually hers.

What I can’t accept is the timing:

This charming but total unknown enters a contest whose ultimate prize is to sing for the Queen. After two or three rounds she is tapped as the winner and sings for Her Majesty, in front of an audience fifty times larger than the show ever gets. The world is enraptured and the demand for CD’s becomes almost a roar; With a recording contract [on Mr. Cowell's label] as part of her prize, the nice lady obliges, releasing her debut just before Christmas, whereby it promptly sells in the millions all over the world.

….and this slick fairy-tale makes Simon Cowell even richer.

The man just lost millions in some Real Estate deals that went sour. Were this a plot, it would replace all that money and make him look like a beneficent hero. And that fake, bonded smile proves that’s just what he likes.

I hope Ms. Boyle becomes a big star. She deserves it. But she does not deserve to be Mr. Cowell’s plaything. And as I see it, that’s exactly the plan.

Am I alone, or would anyone care to agree?

Photo by Mulad

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
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Susan Boyle deserves a real chance

Now the bad news: Mr. Garcia is also scheduled to write and direct.

The movie is reported to focus on the bond between the fabled author and his enduring friend and fishing-boat Captain, Gregorio Fuentes, to be played by Mr. Garcia. Given the iconic stature of the central character, and with a cast that’s said to also include Annette Benning as Hemingway’s wife, the movie has superb credentials and could easily be a cultured celebration of one of the most talented writers this country ever created. Then the studio has to sour the pot by agreeing to an Actor’s need for an unfettered ego parade.

A wise man, whose name I sadly cannot recall, once said that the words, “Written and Directed by…” can only be followed by one of two names: The great Orson Welles, or some egocentric pretender.

In admiration for Mr. Hopkins, I defer to no-one. But Mr. Garcia is decidedly not Orson Welles.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Anthony Hopkins to shine in new Ernest film

Since arriving in the US she’s launched a clothing line no-one would wear and a perfume no-one could stand, and added her name to the cover of two books which left critics utterly non-plussed by the surprising absence of crayon. Now she wishes to be known as a gourmand.

So let’s see if we’ve got this right; A being who has already proven to a world whose indifference to her very existence is boundless that she can’t sing, dance or act now wants to show beyond any possible hope of recant that she can’t cook.

Is there no beginning to this woman’s talent?

Actually, to be fair, she’ll be joint partners in the eatery with Gordon Ramsey. So as far as I can see, it’s business as usual; Her first ill-advised venture into unwarranted notoriety was achieved with someone else providing the voice. This time, she’s got someone else cooking the food.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

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This Spice Should Stay on the Shelf !