Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

SNL derides latest Kim Kardashian stunt

The photos show a woman who looks like Hudgens kissing another woman who seems to be fellow Disney star Alexa Nikolas. Hudgens claims they were hacked from her email and FBI sources tell TMZ up to fifty actual celebrities could be victims of the same group of hackers.

People believed to be involved with this group have since attempted to sell pictures to various web sites, but the FBI believes their true motive is not the money it’s the sheer thrill of hacking.

This is the third time 22-year old Vanessa has been the subject of  ‘stolen’ nude photos. Full-frontal nude shots she’d stored on her cellphone were leaked in September of 2007, and more of them surfaced in 2009. But she released a statement saying she was “embarrassed” about them and Disney kept her on the payroll.

To misquote Oscar Wilde, ‘To have photos leaked once is a misfortune; To have it happen twice looks like stupidity. But three times is glaringly obvious attention-seeking, victim-playing BS perpetrated by someone so intellectually vapid they truly believe the people who made them half as famous as they think they are will not only still buy the story, but deserve to be insulted like this.

This is nothing more than concocted drama, manufactured to enable a fading starlet to play the victim – again – and sell tear-coated stories to the low-rent gossip blogs, thus gaining acres of press, cash and attention with no work involved.

Ms. Hudgens should now forsake this charade, admit the malfeasance and apologize to the true victims of this infantile ploy – the fans.

If you’ve seen the photos, do you think it’s her? And was it theft or a stunt? – Let’s hear your views…

Photo: MWibisono

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Vanessa Hudgens plays victim, again

Just before the video of Cyrus inhaling Salvia from the bong came to light, a student in San Luis Obispo, California contacted her reps and said he had a copy. The reps then sent a courier to one of California Polytechnic’s campus locations which abound in this area, where he met the student.

The scholar got a new Macbook Pro in exchange for his existing machine, which contained the bong video. TMZ says the reps also did a similar swap with another student. But they just couldn’t seem to catch all the copies.

And you can bet Miley’s delighted by that.

In a transparent ploy to keep the ‘scandal’ alive it’s also being claimed Anna Oliver, the girl who filmed Miley smoking has received death threats since the video was ‘leaked.’

And my money says Miley’s behind that fake story too.

This sad fame-whore has clearly decided to follow the patented ‘Lohan’ method – Press-stunt / Fame-whoring denial / Press-stunt / Denial… Then wash, rinse, repeat until your entire faux ‘career’ achieves its glorious zenith and you die alone, broke and forgotten two weeks after your 50th rehab.

The entire, patronizing faux-scandal has been floating near the rim of the low-rent gossip blogs for almost a week. It’s time this alleged actress let it die, apologized to her six fans, then created attention through some actual work..

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Miley Cyrus milks bong tale for more press

The photo is now plastered across every low-rent gossip blog you can find, but there’s no way to be sure it’s really her as the subject has no face. But the model has the same hair extensions, and Miley wore a similar shirt at the ‘MTV Europe Music Awards’ last month in Madrid on November 7th.

And that show was sixteen days before Cyrus turned 18. So if the picture is her [which I do not believe] it’s child porn.

The blogger who first published the photo claims Cyrus took it so she could text it to ex-boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth. But of course, there’s no proof of that. And critics say the blogger in question was in dire need of traffic. So defining his motive for the leak is not exactly a challenge.

The blogger also posted other pictures removed from the phone to aid his claim it really is Cyrus. There’s one of her wearing a similar shirt in public, one with a matching hairstyle and one that shows her wearing similar bracelets.

Then there were the “rumors” that Miley might pose for Playboy. These gained traction when Hugh Hefner told Fox that Cyrus “is the one” his readers would most like to see as a centerfold.

I say she started these rumors herself to get more free press and attention.

With no face there’s no way to prove the girl in the photo is Cyrus, so the only way we’ll find out is when her reps release their tediously predictable denial. And you can bet she will milk this for all the press she can get before that happens!

But what do you think – The photo is easy to find, so if you’ve seen it let’s hear your views. Is it porn, or just more lying, patronizing self-promotion?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Miley Cyrus ‘nude’ photo stunt leaves fans unmoved

The 16-year old is apparently in talks for a lead role in a remake of the splendidly stupid 1989 comedy ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.’ But producers are having a hard time finding a co-star so desperate they’d agree to play second-fiddle to Justin as ‘Ted.’

“Justin’s role in this project is a given, but the movie’s held up by finding the right kid to play Bill,” a source told the Spy. “The producers are torn between casting an unknown and finding another teen actor who can share top billing.”

For those too young to have savored this iconic movie when it debuted in February of 1989 it tells the the story of two high-school dorks and atonal rock-gods who are so bad at learning, they may get expelled. Then a mysterious stranger [George Carlin] arrives in a time-traveling phone booth to help the pair graduate, and thus save the planet.

The original [which we may now only know as 'the good one'] made Keanu Reeves an international name. And Justin will take his part in the remake – if it ever gets made.

Many people say Hollywood is out of ideas. But even though it’s just a rumor, the presence of any serious intent to actually do this movie proves beyond doubt that Hollywood is not lacking ideas, it’s lacking a functional brain-stem.

Remakes are nothing more than thinly-veiled box-office theft, embraced by those so creatively bankrupt they are too lazy to hire people with original ideas. And this appalling, inexcusable and unjustifiable re-hash is another unwelcome example.

Those planning it should be fired and ashamed…

Photo: Roadside Pictures

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Justin Bieber set to ruin your childhood with ‘Bill & Ted’ reboot

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Vince tells a crowded conference room in the trailer for the Ron Howard-helmed comedy, “Electric cars…are gay.”

Once the trailer appeared, forums lit up with heated debate. Several celebs then almost fell over each other to get to the cameras and express their utter shock and disgust – about a scene most of them had clearly not even watched.

The problem with all this ‘outrage’ is perception. Vince completes his statement by saying “Not ‘homosexual’ gay, but ‘My parents are chaperoning the dance’ gay.”

But the whole line doesn’t get you in front of the cameras.

So the D-list celebs who are so eagerly getting their undies in a knot over this are either too clinically stupid to absorb a whole sentence, or grabbing any chance to get on TV, or they’re being paid to look this upset.

Now relishing their role as the innocent victim, Universal them claimed they held previews and saw no problems at all;

“We showed the trailer to groups like GLAAD and some gay execs and staff at Universal, and no one was offended,” a Universal insider told Deadline. “Everyone had a positive response.”

But that claim’s hit a snag – GLAAD have flatly denied they saw nothing wrong;

“GLAAD called on Universal to remove the scene where ‘gay’ was used from the trailer,” the group’s president, Jarrett Barrios says in a statement. “The use of the word is unnecessary and does nothing more than send a message of intolerance to viewers.“

With the trailer now drawing the kind of widespread attention Universal clearly planned it to cause, the studio has announced that an ‘updated’ trailer – which they just happened to have ready – will be released later today.

“The trailer for The Dilemma was not intended to cause anyone discomfort,” says their statement. “In light of growing claims the introduction is insensitive, it is being replaced. A full trailer will post online later today.”

What we have here is either a case of bad judgment by chair-bound executives with no clue of reality, or a cynical ploy to create fake controversy, and thus increase the box office profits for a film those execs already know is a turkey.

Which is your choice?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Universal insults gays and viewers with ‘Dilemma’ hype

The former “Arrested Development” star was waiting in line outside Apple’s store at the Grove shopping mall in West Hollywood yesterday, eager to secure the new phone on the day it came out.

Then a store clerk appeared, plucked 41-year old Jason out of the throng and escorted him straight into the store.

“Everyone literally started booing and hissing,” one Apple fanboy told Us Weekly.

‘The crowd just freaked and booed, and he put his head down,’ another recalls.

Once kitted out with the latest technological crutch for a clearly malformed and unstable ego Jason then left the store, met by a chorus of more booing and cat-calls – without saying one single word to those he insulted.

The clearly misplaced admiration of his limited work by those standing in line had given this arrogant ingrate the rare privilege of both the free time and the money to buy the phone in the first place. And their respect is rewarded with inexcusable, self-serving behavior like this.

Also, photos on Us Magazine’s site, and other places, show Jason outside the store with a phone in his hand…Now, how do you suppose the Apple staff knew he was out there?

Does anyone know an app Jason could download that would let him say ‘Sorry, I’m an arrogant a-hole!” to 2,000+ people at once?

Photo: Luke Ford

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Jason Bateman shows inflated ego at iPhone event

It’s well known that Spencer, 26, serves as the ‘brains’ of the outfit, guiding both their so-called careers to new heights of public indifference in an ongoing quest to be famous while doing no work. Now ‘friends’ say this is flawed by an utter lack of restraint over money.

“He’d give me $100 just to take his trash out,” one source tells Radar. “He has about $100,000 in cars just sitting in the drive; There’s a Porsche Cayenne SUV [that's $58,000,] a ’68 Camaro [$30,000+ for a nice one] and a lifted truck he bought for $26,000.”

And further frivolous spending [like Heidi's $400,000 upgrade to pure Tupperware] allegedly put this vapid pair in a nose-dive: According to very convenient ‘sources’ the couple’s bank account was drained down to pennies by the end of last season’s ‘The Hills.’

“They were definitely in the hole,” says the snitch. “Their business manager was calling the house every day. They were both tripping because of the funds.”

Then ‘The Hills’ was canceled and ‘Speidi’ were suddenly faced by the blood-chilling prospect of getting a job.

And then came the news of the ‘split.’

And if you didn’t see a connection they’d be totally thrilled.

There’s an old saying – ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”…To which we can add in this case, ‘Try to fool me every single time you open your mouth and don’t be surprised if we no longer care!”

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ‘split’ caused by greed

The adolescent campaign of teases and self-serving denials began when Mariah, 41, was spied at the ‘Southern California Reproductive Center’ in Beverly Hills – which is a top-rated fertility clinic.

That was on Mother’s Day. Now it seems the treatments she was so coy about getting have resulted in twins.

“Mariah is gushing that she’s going to have twins.” a source tells the Enquirer. “Mariah and Nick both want a big family.”

Now, bearing in mind it took MC and Nick almost two months to stop this infantile teasing and tell fans the truth, the next part of this shameful PR campaign is tackier still:

“If & when my wife is ready to make any announcements about private matters she will do it personally,” Nick sneered via Twitter on Wednesday.  “Thanks for being respectful.”

Respectful?? How about showing one grain of ‘respect’ for the people who have paid for every single thing you and your ungrateful, game-playing spouse have eaten, drunk, worn, lived in or touched for two years at least;

Your fans don’t deserve to be played with like this, therefore neither you nor your wife deserve fans.

Photo by: David

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Mariah Carey proves she’s just one more diva

Somebody up there likes me!

Pop Eater says the repugnant collection of talentless half-wits that comprises the cast demanded $10,000-a-show each to make season two. And once season three was discussed they wanted even more.

MTV [allegedly] refused.

Season two starts on July 29, and the odds that this is merely hype to lure even more people into subjecting themselves to one of the most offensive examples of mental-floss television are depressingly high.

But if the story is true, it proves even MTV has the IQ to reject the demands of arrogant, greed-driven imbeciles.

The claims of mass firing are so far unconfirmed, so watch this space and I’ll let you know if this story survives…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

MTV reportedly fires Jersey Shore cast over greed

Crystal, it seems, was in the process of quitting the show when Ryan did some fast talking and made the wannabe star change her mind.

Crystal told Ryan she couldn’t handle the pressure, hated all the attention and was going back to her family in Ohio, as being away for so long was making her miserable.

Ryan, 35, quickly explained that being on ‘Idol’ was like starting a business, and that if she was successful she’d get a recording contract and could become really rich.

“The greatest thing I ever did was make enough money to buy my Mom a house. You can buy your Mom a house,” he told the sad-faced chanteuse.

And that changed her mind…or so the Herald claims.

Personally I don’t buy this for a second. First, why would someone who ‘hated’ attention deliberately audition for a national TV show? And why would being told that success would make her rich through the mass application of the very element she claims to detest make someone with such an allergy reverse her decision and stay?

This kind of entirely unproven ‘drama’ boosts ratings, and as such it has Simon Cowell’s sticky, self-centered paw-marks all over it.

What do you think?…

Photo by: Jyle

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Did Ryan Seacrest save American Idol hopeful from quitting?

I’m talking about the seemingly unending swathe of mediocre performers who are so irreparably inept, yet driven by ego they engage in one risible, lamentable and inexcusable publicity stunt after another to achieve notoriety and unwarranted wealth by exploiting and insulting the very people they should regard as the single most important life-forms on this planet – the few blameless souls who even know they’re alive: Their fans.

We need a list which, once one of these dim-bulbs is rightfully placed on it, renders them effectively invisible to all modern media. No interviews, no gossip, no exposure at all – no matter what slick yet desperate stunt they might try to provoke it.

After a short time of such treatment it’s my belief those who face this position will either develop some definable talent – at last – or quit ‘showbiz’ altogether and seek out a job they can actually do; Thus freeing both the media’s time and the public’s attention to focus on those comparatively rare beings who possess both a talent and the willingness to work and thereby deserve the reward.

I’ll start the list:–

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, Heidi Montag [and her hamster-haired cohort,] Madonna, Jon Gosselin and Jennifer Aniston.

If you can think of others – and there are dozens – add them as comments and let’s get that list made, then we’ll all get some peace…

Photo by Viv

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Hollywood needs a new blacklist