Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

SNL derides latest Kim Kardashian stunt

Ryan, 36, has been dating ‘Dancing with the Stars’ performer Julianne Hough for less than a year, but people close to the pair say he’s ready to make it official and has an impressive ring ready in case she accepts;

“Ryan already has the ring – and it’s a rock: Four to five carats,” HMG quotes one source as saying. “He’s had it for a while and is planning the engagement. It’s going to happen in the next few months.”

So why not tell us then – when it actually happened? Simple – because the new season of American Idol starts on January 19th and leaking this story now will get lots of free press…And more ratings.

Asked to confirm these transparent rumors, another source even tried to play it coy;

“If Ryan was planning to propose, why would I spoil the surprise?” they mused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this over a girl before; they fit perfectly.”

I say this whole tale is yet another patronizing, insulting publicity stunt orchestrated by Simon Cowell, then spoon-fed to the media just before the new season to make more people watch so he and his egocentric associates can make far more money.

What do you think?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

American Idol insults viewers with Ryan Seacrest rumors

The photo is now plastered across every low-rent gossip blog you can find, but there’s no way to be sure it’s really her as the subject has no face. But the model has the same hair extensions, and Miley wore a similar shirt at the ‘MTV Europe Music Awards’ last month in Madrid on November 7th.

And that show was sixteen days before Cyrus turned 18. So if the picture is her [which I do not believe] it’s child porn.

The blogger who first published the photo claims Cyrus took it so she could text it to ex-boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth. But of course, there’s no proof of that. And critics say the blogger in question was in dire need of traffic. So defining his motive for the leak is not exactly a challenge.

The blogger also posted other pictures removed from the phone to aid his claim it really is Cyrus. There’s one of her wearing a similar shirt in public, one with a matching hairstyle and one that shows her wearing similar bracelets.

Then there were the “rumors” that Miley might pose for Playboy. These gained traction when Hugh Hefner told Fox that Cyrus “is the one” his readers would most like to see as a centerfold.

I say she started these rumors herself to get more free press and attention.

With no face there’s no way to prove the girl in the photo is Cyrus, so the only way we’ll find out is when her reps release their tediously predictable denial. And you can bet she will milk this for all the press she can get before that happens!

But what do you think – The photo is easy to find, so if you’ve seen it let’s hear your views. Is it porn, or just more lying, patronizing self-promotion?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Miley Cyrus ‘nude’ photo stunt leaves fans unmoved

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Vince tells a crowded conference room in the trailer for the Ron Howard-helmed comedy, “Electric cars…are gay.”

Once the trailer appeared, forums lit up with heated debate. Several celebs then almost fell over each other to get to the cameras and express their utter shock and disgust – about a scene most of them had clearly not even watched.

The problem with all this ‘outrage’ is perception. Vince completes his statement by saying “Not ‘homosexual’ gay, but ‘My parents are chaperoning the dance’ gay.”

But the whole line doesn’t get you in front of the cameras.

So the D-list celebs who are so eagerly getting their undies in a knot over this are either too clinically stupid to absorb a whole sentence, or grabbing any chance to get on TV, or they’re being paid to look this upset.

Now relishing their role as the innocent victim, Universal them claimed they held previews and saw no problems at all;

“We showed the trailer to groups like GLAAD and some gay execs and staff at Universal, and no one was offended,” a Universal insider told Deadline. “Everyone had a positive response.”

But that claim’s hit a snag – GLAAD have flatly denied they saw nothing wrong;

“GLAAD called on Universal to remove the scene where ‘gay’ was used from the trailer,” the group’s president, Jarrett Barrios says in a statement. “The use of the word is unnecessary and does nothing more than send a message of intolerance to viewers.“

With the trailer now drawing the kind of widespread attention Universal clearly planned it to cause, the studio has announced that an ‘updated’ trailer – which they just happened to have ready – will be released later today.

“The trailer for The Dilemma was not intended to cause anyone discomfort,” says their statement. “In light of growing claims the introduction is insensitive, it is being replaced. A full trailer will post online later today.”

What we have here is either a case of bad judgment by chair-bound executives with no clue of reality, or a cynical ploy to create fake controversy, and thus increase the box office profits for a film those execs already know is a turkey.

Which is your choice?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Universal insults gays and viewers with ‘Dilemma’ hype

It’s well known that Spencer, 26, serves as the ‘brains’ of the outfit, guiding both their so-called careers to new heights of public indifference in an ongoing quest to be famous while doing no work. Now ‘friends’ say this is flawed by an utter lack of restraint over money.

“He’d give me $100 just to take his trash out,” one source tells Radar. “He has about $100,000 in cars just sitting in the drive; There’s a Porsche Cayenne SUV [that's $58,000,] a ’68 Camaro [$30,000+ for a nice one] and a lifted truck he bought for $26,000.”

And further frivolous spending [like Heidi's $400,000 upgrade to pure Tupperware] allegedly put this vapid pair in a nose-dive: According to very convenient ‘sources’ the couple’s bank account was drained down to pennies by the end of last season’s ‘The Hills.’

“They were definitely in the hole,” says the snitch. “Their business manager was calling the house every day. They were both tripping because of the funds.”

Then ‘The Hills’ was canceled and ‘Speidi’ were suddenly faced by the blood-chilling prospect of getting a job.

And then came the news of the ‘split.’

And if you didn’t see a connection they’d be totally thrilled.

There’s an old saying – ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”…To which we can add in this case, ‘Try to fool me every single time you open your mouth and don’t be surprised if we no longer care!”

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ‘split’ caused by greed

The adolescent campaign of teases and self-serving denials began when Mariah, 41, was spied at the ‘Southern California Reproductive Center’ in Beverly Hills – which is a top-rated fertility clinic.

That was on Mother’s Day. Now it seems the treatments she was so coy about getting have resulted in twins.

“Mariah is gushing that she’s going to have twins.” a source tells the Enquirer. “Mariah and Nick both want a big family.”

Now, bearing in mind it took MC and Nick almost two months to stop this infantile teasing and tell fans the truth, the next part of this shameful PR campaign is tackier still:

“If & when my wife is ready to make any announcements about private matters she will do it personally,” Nick sneered via Twitter on Wednesday.  “Thanks for being respectful.”

Respectful?? How about showing one grain of ‘respect’ for the people who have paid for every single thing you and your ungrateful, game-playing spouse have eaten, drunk, worn, lived in or touched for two years at least;

Your fans don’t deserve to be played with like this, therefore neither you nor your wife deserve fans.

Photo by: David

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Mariah Carey proves she’s just one more diva

Somebody up there likes me!

Pop Eater says the repugnant collection of talentless half-wits that comprises the cast demanded $10,000-a-show each to make season two. And once season three was discussed they wanted even more.

MTV [allegedly] refused.

Season two starts on July 29, and the odds that this is merely hype to lure even more people into subjecting themselves to one of the most offensive examples of mental-floss television are depressingly high.

But if the story is true, it proves even MTV has the IQ to reject the demands of arrogant, greed-driven imbeciles.

The claims of mass firing are so far unconfirmed, so watch this space and I’ll let you know if this story survives…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

MTV reportedly fires Jersey Shore cast over greed

Now we can suppose NBC will spend the next six months telling us how smart, funny and bitingly relevant the show still is – which is a lie – and how those who don’t watch it clearly need help. But let’s get one thing clear up-front:

If an 88-year old can give teen-focused SNL its best ratings in two years, that only proves what a tired, humorless, self-absorbed corpse the show has become.

For me, it’s a fail. I’m just glad this incessant and patronizing NBC-driven PR stunt is over.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Betty White doubles SNL ratings, both new viewers amused

Crystal, it seems, was in the process of quitting the show when Ryan did some fast talking and made the wannabe star change her mind.

Crystal told Ryan she couldn’t handle the pressure, hated all the attention and was going back to her family in Ohio, as being away for so long was making her miserable.

Ryan, 35, quickly explained that being on ‘Idol’ was like starting a business, and that if she was successful she’d get a recording contract and could become really rich.

“The greatest thing I ever did was make enough money to buy my Mom a house. You can buy your Mom a house,” he told the sad-faced chanteuse.

And that changed her mind…or so the Herald claims.

Personally I don’t buy this for a second. First, why would someone who ‘hated’ attention deliberately audition for a national TV show? And why would being told that success would make her rich through the mass application of the very element she claims to detest make someone with such an allergy reverse her decision and stay?

This kind of entirely unproven ‘drama’ boosts ratings, and as such it has Simon Cowell’s sticky, self-centered paw-marks all over it.

What do you think?…

Photo by: Jyle

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Did Ryan Seacrest save American Idol hopeful from quitting?

But of all the clues to be gathered from this glitzy debacle, two stand out above all: Having an original story helps to win the gold man, while beating your audience over the head with disingenuous, self-serving hype demonstrably does not.

Both prior to and since its debut on December 18,  Fox and James Cameron have engaged in a sickening, endless and often clandestine campaign of hype for their $237-million curio, desperately trying to maximize their box-office profits and win the gold man.

And they failed.

Only the art directors, the cinematographer and the geniuses at Wikka Digital with their TRS-80′s took home a prize. James and his tired, plodding and derivative story were rightfully left empty handed.

And the moral of this story is far clearer than the plot of that film; To be successful you need to actually be good at your job. Inept mediocrity inflated by hype does not make a star, or ensure true success.

Many ‘celebrities’ would do well to take notes.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

James Cameron’s Avatar deserved Oscar snub

The resulting attention then gave Ms. Lohan the chance to ‘graciously’ speak to the media directly, firmly denying she’d done any such thing.

Result? 3-4 days of cost-free, worldwide attention, without one iota of talent or work being required.

Replace Lohan with the ‘star’ of your choice and you get the same result:

Day 1) ‘Leak’ a dumb story to the low-rent media
Day 2) Bathe in attention
Day 3) Release a statement denying dumb story
Day 4) Get more attention
Day 5) Make up another dumb story…

…Then just wash, rinse and repeat until your career is so fried they find you lifeless in the bathroom, surrounded by pills.

One day Lindsay will use the ‘knife play’ trick again [or something like it,] and get all the attention even an ego on her scale could wish for.

Posthumously.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Lindsay Lohan’s ‘fame’ continues to fade…

The New York-born actor, who turned 44 on September 3rd, has just released a fictional transcript in which he ‘interviews’ President Obama and asks him to re-open the 9/11 case.

“The official 9/11 story is a fraud,” says the ‘Two and a Half Men’ star, who earns $850,000 a week from that long-stale show.

According to Mr. Sheen’s most pressing delusions, the attack on the Towers was ‘used as an excuse to disregard the Constitution and the Bill of Rights,’ and the 9/11 Commission was an implausible sham.

The real meat of this rambling and frequently self-serving piece [it takes just takes four lines of the 'interview' for Mr. Sheen's fake President to confess he's a fan,] which you can read here, boils down to these points:

• The US Government was directly behind the 9/11 attacks
• The 9/11 Commissioners were not told the truth, and thus don’t know what happened
• The Pentagon and Bush administration either changed or hid all vital facts
• The US Government was actually cooperating with Osama Bin Laden until the big day
• The Obama administration still follows illegal Bush-era practices and don’t realize why

Although most of these allegations have been simmering in the cauldron of internet conspiracy-theorists since 2001, Mr. Sheen has summoned a firestorm, not merely because of how dosed-up he sounds, but due even more to his crass, tasteless choice of when to put such groundless psychosis in print.

To further his case, the Golden Globe-winning actor has now appealed to the current President – in a video you can see here – to meet for debate and invoke a new inquiry so we can all know the truth.

Mr Obama has yet to respond, but feel free to leave us your views…

Photo: Ultimate Graphics

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Charlie Sheen declares 9/11 a fraud