Ryan, 36, has been dating ‘Dancing with the Stars’ performer Julianne Hough for less than a year, but people close to the pair say he’s ready to make it official and has an impressive ring ready in case she accepts;

“Ryan already has the ring – and it’s a rock: Four to five carats,” HMG quotes one source as saying. “He’s had it for a while and is planning the engagement. It’s going to happen in the next few months.”

So why not tell us then – when it actually happened? Simple – because the new season of American Idol starts on January 19th and leaking this story now will get lots of free press…And more ratings.

Asked to confirm these transparent rumors, another source even tried to play it coy;

“If Ryan was planning to propose, why would I spoil the surprise?” they mused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this over a girl before; they fit perfectly.”

I say this whole tale is yet another patronizing, insulting publicity stunt orchestrated by Simon Cowell, then spoon-fed to the media just before the new season to make more people watch so he and his egocentric associates can make far more money.

What do you think?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

American Idol insults viewers with Ryan Seacrest rumors

In her NY Post column, Maureen Callahan has expressed her concerns about Ms. Boyle’s sudden rise, and frankly I agree with her reasons. Like American Idol, “Britain’s Got Talent” is run as his personal fiefdom by Simon Cowell, and I wouldn’t trust that man to tell me the time.

Before I have trouble opening my inbox because of the hate-mail this might inspire, let me make it quite clear — I place not one shred of doubt or dissent at the feet of Ms. Boyle. She looks like a wonderful lady, and her voice – unlike so many ‘stars’ – is real, and actually hers.

What I can’t accept is the timing:

This charming but total unknown enters a contest whose ultimate prize is to sing for the Queen. After two or three rounds she is tapped as the winner and sings for Her Majesty, in front of an audience fifty times larger than the show ever gets. The world is enraptured and the demand for CD’s becomes almost a roar; With a recording contract [on Mr. Cowell's label] as part of her prize, the nice lady obliges, releasing her debut just before Christmas, whereby it promptly sells in the millions all over the world.

….and this slick fairy-tale makes Simon Cowell even richer.

The man just lost millions in some Real Estate deals that went sour. Were this a plot, it would replace all that money and make him look like a beneficent hero. And that fake, bonded smile proves that’s just what he likes.

I hope Ms. Boyle becomes a big star. She deserves it. But she does not deserve to be Mr. Cowell’s plaything. And as I see it, that’s exactly the plan.

Am I alone, or would anyone care to agree?

Photo by Mulad

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Susan Boyle deserves a real chance

~~~
ARTICLEURL

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Farewell, and God’s Speed…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Who’s the real fraud?

…Then you read TV Guide.

Once a year, that erudite publication distributes a list of shame, detailing just how much your favorite celeb collects for doing less work in a week than you probably do before lunch.

First [where else??] on the list we find she whose initials perfectly mirror the effect on any intelligent being of encountering her hideous chat show – “OW!” She endures the unimaginable penury of living on only $385 million a year. That alumni of Wall St – and some less memorable movies – Charlie Sheen, scrapes along on $825k a week for his role on 2.5 Men….a show whose breadth of popularity among the un-medicated I have never understood.

Meanwhile, Mr. Simon Cowell gathers $50-million a year for gleefully eviscerating the hopes and dreams of people half his age who are moderately good at something he’s never tried. And Mariska Hargitay holds the banner high for the female glitterati, collecting a respectable $400k for her weekly saunter through Dick Wolf’s latest crime-busting soap.

You may think these amounts are excessive, considering the minuscule effort involved in learning a few lines and hitting your marks when the cameras are rolling? Sadly, such egocentric avarice is far from a new sport: The “stars” of Friends relieved NBC of more than $1m each per episode for their risible performances, and Jerry Seinfeld and Kelsey Grammer took home even more. And let’s not forget the residuals!

At the same time, all across this great land, thousands of Actors whose passion and talent are at least on a par with any Hollywood ‘name’ struggle to survive on minimum wage, while battling a fog of anonymity that is as seemingly impenetrable as it is undeserved.

That, boys and girls, is why I do what I do !

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

How Is This Fair ??

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Publicity Stunt or Cold-hearted Stupidity – Your call ?

I’ll give you a moment to try and overcome the depression.

So far slated to appear in this televised death-wish are such stratospheric mediocrities as Omarosa, Lennox Lewis, Gene Simmons, Stephen Baldwin, Tito Ortiz, Carol Alt, Vincent Pastore, John Cena and Marilu Henner.

…If you could pick any one of them out of a 3-person line-up, I’d give you $10,000.

The one ‘Celebrity’ not so far scheduled to belittle themselves is Paris Hilton. It’s long been my contention that Ms. Hilton’s IQ would need to be surgically quadrupled before she could register as an idiot, but you have to give the poor, misguided ex-con her due; She may have the intellectual prowess of a donut, but she’s still too smart to debase herself on this show!

In a country, the breadth and scope of whose television landscape is unparalleled anywhere on Earth, is it really so hard for a truly talented person to practice their craft that so many [apparently sane] people can be persuaded to participate in a show of such unbounded bromide?

Take for example, Omarosa. This is not a celebrity. This is a person of minuscule, and so far undetermined talent who had a brief and utterly inexcusable association with notoriety via a minor Reality show hardly anyone watched.

And that was three years ago! Name three things she’s done since?

Likewise, Mr. Baldwin, while being vaguely related to people who can be regarded as possessing a modicum of celebrity, has never actually been one in person. And Mr. Lewis deserves to have secured better management and better endorsements while his sojourn with fame was still valid – Look at George Forman.

This is another sad example of American Television’s ongoing suicide pact with its creators. They produce an endless, mind-rotting carousel of shows that only people for whom oatmeal is deemed too exciting would have the slightest inclination to witness….Then they’re utterly at a loss to comprehend why people won’t watch??

How much more of this pain are we expected to endure before those who govern the Networks finally admit their blessed cash-cow of Reality has finally run dry??

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Twinkle, Twinkle….Faded Star….

For reasons that utterly escape me, ‘the Hoff’ and his cohorts are pulling an average of 12-million viewers in the crucial 18-49 demographic, according to Nielsen Media. The show is currently the most-watched prime-time series of the Summer when you count total viewers. “Comic,” averages 6.7 million viewers, and a 2.8/8 demographic rating.

And just in case you’re not quite depressed enough, NBC’s new golden boy, Ben Silverman says that yet another reality series, “The Singing Bee,” has won a place in the Fall schedules starting on September 25th. It originally had been targeted to return much later.

As my regular readers know, I hate all ‘reality’ TV with the passionate intensity of a thousand imploding suns. And that is not open to negotiation. The entire genre is a cheap, intellectually unengaging ploy to garner millions of viewers at minuscule cost, on whom can then be unleashed the entire gamut of placements, commercials and other profit-making ploys. Cheap, mindless television that spoon-feeds millions of viewers direct to the advertisers. It’s therefore no surprise that the Networks are addicted.

The most offensive example [so far] is Top Chef. Every single one of the ‘prizes’ is a product placement – Neither Bravo, nor its parent company, NBC, are paying for, or providing one single item that constitutes the prize. To me, that’s nothing less than brazen exploitation.

And this is the kind of mental chewing gum we are supposed to get so excited about being able to watch in Hi-Def??

One reality show is an offense. For the current television landscape to contain so many – most of which are imperceptible clones of each other – is evidence that those in charge of its production hold a pandemic perception of the audience that is far less than flattering. If you enjoy good TV and consider yourself to be of at least a median IQ, you owe it to yourself to resist this onslaught of insult and ignorance.

The true ‘reality’ is, the American television audience were not created simply to be exploited by the nets, to create profits to impress the Stockholders. You deserve better. But unless you make that known, it will never occur. The history of ‘reality’ TV is one of remarkably low cost and infeasible profits, and the networks will gleefully churn out this mind-rotting fare until that imbalance changes. The Fall season is already tarnished, but beyond that could be the chance of relief from this tiresome cavalcade of mind-rotting banality.

Ultimately, the Nets are slaves to their ratings. The power for change is therefore in your hands. Literally.

The choice is yours.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

The ‘reality’ is, you’re worth more!

Not long ago, performers would be rightly mentioned in the media because of their obvious talents. Today, most ‘celebrities’ can barely form coherent sentences so the new ploy seems to be to create a negative incident then hype it incessantly, thereby gaining visibility and coverage for a ‘star’ too inept, worthless and untalented to achieve it on their own. A few current examples:

1. Clay Aiken.
The hamster-haired, former American Idol participant was [allegedly] involved in an airplane disturbance with a fellow passenger while en route to Tulsa International Airport. The female passenger has not claimed harassment, is never seen on TV, and is not [currently] suing.

…Yet, mysteriously, the story won’t die??

Could it be that Mr, Aiken’s ‘people’ are pushing this to regain visibility for a talent the nation has practically, and quite rightly forgotten? Could it be this ‘passenger’ was actually a plant? Perish the thought!…Or should we?

And while we’re on the subject, ‘Tulsa International Airport’? That’s a joke, right? You can’t get anywhere from Tulsa International Airport??…Not even to Tulsa!

2/ Miss New Jersey.
An untalented Barbie doll whose name I couldn’t be induced to remember if I were subjected to mind-altering drugs claims she’s doing nothing illegal in photos held by someone allegedly trying to blackmail her into giving up her crown.

The solution is so blindingly simple, even a a professional narcissist could grasp it: Publish them yourself and you cut the ‘blackmailer’ off at the knees. Fail to do so and you’re lying for the attention.

3/ The Apprentice.
As you all know, I detest the entire ‘Reality’ genre with a passion that defies measurement. When half your contestants are Actors, every word is scripted and the repugnant result is merely an endless swarm of product placements designed to exploit the viewers and enrich the Producers, you have very little claim to ‘reality.’ And this show was one of the most repulsive examples.

My guess is the ratings were collapsing so a patronizing solution was concocted: Step 1: Announce an acrimonious ‘cancellation’. Step 2: Bathe in the attention for a few weeks. Step 3: Announce that due to ‘huge public demand’ [which there wasn't,] the show has been ‘miraculously’ saved [which was always the plan].

Result? The ratings revive and you get to place more products and make more money…All without the tiresome inconvenience of forming a new idea.

And there are more examples of this manipulation than anyone should be induced to imagine. Which only serves to add more urgency to a simple question:

Given that the objective is to get attention, when will these sad egocentrics ever realize they’d have more success by treating us as intelligent adults?

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Apparently, Oscar was right?

Most of the Journalists presented with this condescending missive felt rightly insulted, and refused to sign. Then the back-peddling began. First her ‘people’ claimed it was a simple misunderstanding. Then we were told the agreement was written by a Lawyer and the ‘star’ had no knowledge of it.

As anyone in this business will tell you, there’s no realistic possibility that such an agreement could be drafted, decided and issued without the party concerned being in the loop. So that’s not true either.

This is not about a lack of knowledge, it’s yet another regrettable example of modern celebrity’s petulant unwillingness to accept responsibility. In the case of Ms. Jolie, if your ‘people’ issue a document that is a consummate insult to the profession whose members are primarily responsible for assisting you to achieve the privileged position you currently enjoy, the responsibility ultimately is yours. If ‘people’ are hired by you and paid by you, the buck ultimately stops with you. In fact, every time you step in front of a camera, several million bucks stop with you.

And distasteful though it may sometimes be to concede, so does the blame.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

I Want to be Famous…Now, Sign Here…

The mark of true greatness is to be known across the World by one name; Garbo, Brando, Elvis… And the atonal, drool-flecked non-entity who wins this irrelevant freakshow will soon join this illustrious crowd…

By Christmas they’ll be known to every sentient being on the planet as, “Who??”

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Tale of the ‘Idol’ Tape: Jordin Vs Blake