Ryan, 36, has been dating ‘Dancing with the Stars’ performer Julianne Hough for less than a year, but people close to the pair say he’s ready to make it official and has an impressive ring ready in case she accepts;

“Ryan already has the ring – and it’s a rock: Four to five carats,” HMG quotes one source as saying. “He’s had it for a while and is planning the engagement. It’s going to happen in the next few months.”

So why not tell us then – when it actually happened? Simple – because the new season of American Idol starts on January 19th and leaking this story now will get lots of free press…And more ratings.

Asked to confirm these transparent rumors, another source even tried to play it coy;

“If Ryan was planning to propose, why would I spoil the surprise?” they mused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this over a girl before; they fit perfectly.”

I say this whole tale is yet another patronizing, insulting publicity stunt orchestrated by Simon Cowell, then spoon-fed to the media just before the new season to make more people watch so he and his egocentric associates can make far more money.

What do you think?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

American Idol insults viewers with Ryan Seacrest rumors

It’s well known that Spencer, 26, serves as the ‘brains’ of the outfit, guiding both their so-called careers to new heights of public indifference in an ongoing quest to be famous while doing no work. Now ‘friends’ say this is flawed by an utter lack of restraint over money.

“He’d give me $100 just to take his trash out,” one source tells Radar. “He has about $100,000 in cars just sitting in the drive; There’s a Porsche Cayenne SUV [that's $58,000,] a ’68 Camaro [$30,000+ for a nice one] and a lifted truck he bought for $26,000.”

And further frivolous spending [like Heidi's $400,000 upgrade to pure Tupperware] allegedly put this vapid pair in a nose-dive: According to very convenient ‘sources’ the couple’s bank account was drained down to pennies by the end of last season’s ‘The Hills.’

“They were definitely in the hole,” says the snitch. “Their business manager was calling the house every day. They were both tripping because of the funds.”

Then ‘The Hills’ was canceled and ‘Speidi’ were suddenly faced by the blood-chilling prospect of getting a job.

And then came the news of the ‘split.’

And if you didn’t see a connection they’d be totally thrilled.

There’s an old saying – ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”…To which we can add in this case, ‘Try to fool me every single time you open your mouth and don’t be surprised if we no longer care!”

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ‘split’ caused by greed

Somebody up there likes me!

Pop Eater says the repugnant collection of talentless half-wits that comprises the cast demanded $10,000-a-show each to make season two. And once season three was discussed they wanted even more.

MTV [allegedly] refused.

Season two starts on July 29, and the odds that this is merely hype to lure even more people into subjecting themselves to one of the most offensive examples of mental-floss television are depressingly high.

But if the story is true, it proves even MTV has the IQ to reject the demands of arrogant, greed-driven imbeciles.

The claims of mass firing are so far unconfirmed, so watch this space and I’ll let you know if this story survives…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

MTV reportedly fires Jersey Shore cast over greed

Crystal, it seems, was in the process of quitting the show when Ryan did some fast talking and made the wannabe star change her mind.

Crystal told Ryan she couldn’t handle the pressure, hated all the attention and was going back to her family in Ohio, as being away for so long was making her miserable.

Ryan, 35, quickly explained that being on ‘Idol’ was like starting a business, and that if she was successful she’d get a recording contract and could become really rich.

“The greatest thing I ever did was make enough money to buy my Mom a house. You can buy your Mom a house,” he told the sad-faced chanteuse.

And that changed her mind…or so the Herald claims.

Personally I don’t buy this for a second. First, why would someone who ‘hated’ attention deliberately audition for a national TV show? And why would being told that success would make her rich through the mass application of the very element she claims to detest make someone with such an allergy reverse her decision and stay?

This kind of entirely unproven ‘drama’ boosts ratings, and as such it has Simon Cowell’s sticky, self-centered paw-marks all over it.

What do you think?…

Photo by: Jyle

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Did Ryan Seacrest save American Idol hopeful from quitting?

The story, first floated by People said the 26-year old actor was leaving because he’d found “a new passion and new purpose to my life,” when President Obama announced that online security was at serious risk, and Spencer explained he would use his superior intelligence to protect us mere mortals from harm.

But that’s not the real story.

THG says Spencer was actually benched for six weeks after he ‘flipped out’ on a female producer who asked him to do something stupid. [Exactly what is unclear.]

“I should kill you for even asking me to do that!” was his apparent reply.

And here comes the sick part – Instead of growing a spine and fighting her own battles, the ‘victim’ promptly filed an official complaint with MTV’s bosses and Spencer was given a choice – Quit for six weeks or be fired.

And he has to complete an ‘anger management’ course before they’ll allow his return.

As I said, I’m not his biggest fan by any means, but this man is being both victimized and portrayed as a psycho by an MTV flunkie who used both her sex and her superior place in the MTV food-chain to blame Spencer for something solely provoked by her own dumb behavior.

And not one of her female peers sees one thing wrong with that. Swap the genders and those same people would be having a fit.

I stand four-square behind Spencer. What he did was provoked and no more than words. He should be restored to the show with an on-air apology, and the cause of the problem should both face and accept the blame she deserves and lose her own job.

Yes, I know – Fat chance!…

Photo by Gamers

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Spencer Pratt is the victim, Producer should quit

The offer from their puppet-masters was $10,000 to sign on for next season, and $5,000 a show. But TMZ, says the mindless mouth-breathers who have infested our collective perception like an unwelcome mold are supposedly holding out for $10,000 a show.

MTV has a contractual hold on them for another year, so the cast do not even have the right to renegotiate – Thus proving this entire ‘story’ is more brainless, self-serving hype served to a docile, enabling media by the patronising imbeciles who run MTV.

I say, screw the cast – Anyone whose life is so blighted as to have suffered the merest mention or vestige of this televisual abortion should receive compensation for enduring the unrelenting, cretinous, mind-rotting PR tricks MTV has used to promote it…

Photo by: Ceekay

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

MTV’s Jersey Shore now owes us big bucks

Entitled ‘Superficial’ this tuneless, unwelcome dirge was supposed to be released in 2007, but got delayed as no sane label would touch it. Then it was due in July of 09 – but mercifully, that didn’t occur either.

Finally, on December 29th Heidi confirmed the album would be issued on the label run by her and her hamster-haired husband – Pratt Productions – and be available solely online.

Now the good news: In its first week of release, Nielsen says this miserable assemblage of atonal ramblings has sold less than 1,000 copies.

I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself.

To be exact, the true scale of her underwhelming achievement is just 658 downloads. Worldwide.

This should serve as a much-needed [and long overdue] dose of actual reality for the reality ‘star,’ who claimed she used her own money and almost went broke creating the clearly unendurable insult. But her voices apparently told her she’d soon get it back;

“I put every dollar I have into this, ” she told Us. “I’ve spent almost $2 million. It’s cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality…The songs will make an impact in pop history!”

The truth proved somewhat plainer – You need talent to be successful, and she has so far shown none.

Even assuming those numbers are right and this abysmal mistake took 3-years and $2-million, there are only two viable options – She’s either a) lying to get attention,  or b) so utterly and irrevocably devoid of  talent she was incapable of producing even a remotely musical sound, so they had to pay sound engineers to spend 2.9 years on AutoTune to make her sound human.

‘As ye sew, so shall ye reap,’ says the book. Ms. Montag reaped untalented failure. I hope, for all our sakes she can now take a hint…

Photo: BDHQ

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Heidi Montag CD suffers withering sales

This tasteless new travesty is proudly seen by the MTV suits as a spin-off from its reprehensible parent, ’16 and Pregnant,’ and will follow four of the girls who first appeared on that show as they face the mountainous challenge of becoming a mom before you reach graduation.

No air dates have been mentioned, but Variety reports that MTV has ordered a season of eight, hour-long shows which should join their schedules sometime early next year.

Since its debut on June 11th, ’16 and Pregnant’ has scored quite a hit, attracting tens of thousands of female fans in the 18-34 range. And to MTV”s advertisers, that group is pure gold.

If you needed a reason why MTV have okay’d an even more tasteless sequel, that is a good place to start.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

MTV plans new teen pregnancy show

In the future, please call him ‘King Spencer Pratt.’

And the 26-year old star of MTV’s high-saccharine soap, ‘The Hills’ appears perfectly serious in this witless new plan, “I’ve decided, since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William, there should be a King of America,” he tells the admirably straight-faced reporters. “And I nominate myself for that role.”

Well that’s a relief, because I don’t yet see both his fans exactly forming a line to do it instead.

And the aptly named Mr. Pratt is not finished yet. He also thinks Heidi Montag should now gain a new crown. In a recent discussion with the MTV scribes he called his new wife, “the modern-day, 2010 Michael Jackson.”

Without being asked, he went on to explain that Heidi is somehow Michael’s rightful successor, “Michael Jackson’s in heaven,” he opined in nice, easy short words. “The Holy Spirit now has extra Michael Jackson juice, and for all we know, Heidi gets possessed with some of the Michael Jackson divine spirit.”

So let’s  get this straight – The man wants to pay out good money to be called “King Spencer Pratt’? That’s a mistake. I don’t know one person who has seen him perform that does not already call him something close at no charge.

I’ll admit there’s an additional syllable, but I’d say it’s good value.

And well deserved.

~~

Photo by Gamer

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Can Spencer Pratt be America’s King?

MTV recently opened a web site that allowed people of such mental intensity they can watch Paris Hilton without opening a vein, to apply to become her ‘Best Friend.’ And 22-year old Josiah Stevens from Conroe in Texas is one of the legions who gladly applied.

And along with his entry, this intellectual pygmy sent Paris some porn.

On the MTV site fame-hungry fans could enter a contest to meet up with Ms. Hilton and become her BF. You create an account with information about you, then upload an image as your portrait or avatar.

We’ll let the FBI boys try to take it from here….

“The image that was uploaded by Stevens depicted a nude female, approximately 2-3 years old, posed in a sexually lascivious manner, touching the naked genitals of an adult male. Posted on the website by Stevens, this was accessible to the public and any person could view the result. “

MTV called the cops as soon as they found it, and when the FBI seized Stevens’ computer they found a lot more. “Agents found images and videos containing child pornography,” says People, quoting the Fed’s remarkably restrained legal statement. “Some of this included victims under the age of 12, and portrayed sadistic or masochistic conduct or other violence.”

The U.S. Attorney’s Office is making no comment on whether Stevens’ application was ever successful, but it would do him no good as this clueless contestant just got five years in jail for possession of underage porn.

Something tells me Mr. Stevens will still find a friend in his new federal hotel; A 400lb girlfriend named, ‘Bubba.’

Photo by: Chesi

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Paris Hilton TV fan gets pwned with child porn

With filming due to start once Redmond is released from the LA County Jail in four months, the new series will chronicle the perennial ‘black sheep’ of the O’Neal clan as he struggles to kick his drug habit, “Redmond has signed the deal that was brokered for him by his dad,” a source told reporters. “Ryan will be on the show too.”

Well, there’s a shock…Okay, maybe not.

And in a claim, the reaction to which can be praise or disgust, Redmond sees the whole show as his tribute to mom, “He wants to do this to honor his mother,” says the source. “He really wants to get better to honor her memory.”

In other news, Farrah’s will makes it clear that Redmond will only receive the money she left him when we all lost her to cancer on June 25, if he gets clean and stays free of drugs.

But that’s entirely unrelated to these plans, of course[??]

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Farrah Fawcett’s son, Redmond faces rehab reality

“Always leave them asking for more,” she explained to Ryan Seacrest on his ‘KIIS-FM’ radio show yesterday. “Next time, I’ll have more to reveal.”

According to Us magazine, Ms. Montag, 22, also said she ‘had fun’ stripping off for the set, and that although some of the photos may be regarded as racy by any man who has lived alone in a basement for, maybe, ten years, she didn’t feel she’d compromised her beliefs,  “I feel God created the body and it’s beautiful,” she simpered at Ryan. “God created us naked, so I am not ashamed of it. I’m proud of it… This was such a blessed experience.”

So, she’s so proud of the body with which the good Lord endowed her, she added ten pounds of plastic and a gallon of bleach just to polish things up, we assume?

Interesting outlook.

Photo by: CrazyFoolish

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Heidi Montag defends Playboy sham