“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Vince tells a crowded conference room in the trailer for the Ron Howard-helmed comedy, “Electric cars…are gay.”

Once the trailer appeared, forums lit up with heated debate. Several celebs then almost fell over each other to get to the cameras and express their utter shock and disgust – about a scene most of them had clearly not even watched.

The problem with all this ‘outrage’ is perception. Vince completes his statement by saying “Not ‘homosexual’ gay, but ‘My parents are chaperoning the dance’ gay.”

But the whole line doesn’t get you in front of the cameras.

So the D-list celebs who are so eagerly getting their undies in a knot over this are either too clinically stupid to absorb a whole sentence, or grabbing any chance to get on TV, or they’re being paid to look this upset.

Now relishing their role as the innocent victim, Universal them claimed they held previews and saw no problems at all;

“We showed the trailer to groups like GLAAD and some gay execs and staff at Universal, and no one was offended,” a Universal insider told Deadline. “Everyone had a positive response.”

But that claim’s hit a snag – GLAAD have flatly denied they saw nothing wrong;

“GLAAD called on Universal to remove the scene where ‘gay’ was used from the trailer,” the group’s president, Jarrett Barrios says in a statement. “The use of the word is unnecessary and does nothing more than send a message of intolerance to viewers.“

With the trailer now drawing the kind of widespread attention Universal clearly planned it to cause, the studio has announced that an ‘updated’ trailer – which they just happened to have ready – will be released later today.

“The trailer for The Dilemma was not intended to cause anyone discomfort,” says their statement. “In light of growing claims the introduction is insensitive, it is being replaced. A full trailer will post online later today.”

What we have here is either a case of bad judgment by chair-bound executives with no clue of reality, or a cynical ploy to create fake controversy, and thus increase the box office profits for a film those execs already know is a turkey.

Which is your choice?…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Universal insults gays and viewers with ‘Dilemma’ hype

This potential downside of this deal is not far short of a nightmare – The people so underfunded with brains they moved Jay Leno from his throne on the Tonight Show to a deathwatch in prime-time have sold out to the people whose boss gave his girlfriend, Chelsea Handler a job, then expected the nation to call her a ‘star.’

The deal, which will see Comcast pay $6.5-billion in cash and $7.25-billion in assets and debt values NBC at about $30 billion. The implications, however, value its dwindling audience and their remaining intelligence at a far lower rate.

In return for saving NBC’s over-staffed rear from inevitable Chapter 11, Comcast will get a 51% stake in NBC’s cable streams – USA, Bravo, SyFy, CNBC, Telemundo and MSNBC.

NBC itself, and even Universal Studios are regarded as ‘only a small portion’ of the network’s gross value, so says their release.

Jeff Zucker, the current head of NBC-Universal will remain as chief executive, but would be answerable to Comcast’s Chief Operating Officer, Stephen Burke. And Mr. Zucker, the chief architect of NBC’s deliberate down-market slide and the hemorrhaging ratings his choices then caused, calls the decision “the start of a new era” for NBC.

Presumably one in which they don’t make shows that would insult a plank and attract audiences that could get lost in a phone booth?

But it could have been worse – Comcast tried to inhale the Walt Disney Company in 2004, but thankfully failed. And the word is that even Rupert Murdoch had considered a bid.

Can you imagine?? NBC’s whole stable of channels corrupted to be as ultra-right wing and malfeasant as Fox?

NBC once held a proud place in this nation’s fabric, but its recent self-inflicted malaise has since faded that luster. Comcast’s new broom could be just what it needs, but as long as Jeff Zucker and the over-paid suits who both caused and presided over its recent illness are allowed to remain, the wounds will not heal – and nor will the ratings.

NBC’s sale may be over, but its illness lives on. It might not be fatal, but let’s watch and see…

Post by: The Limey. Photo by BoucherMedia

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

NBC’s Comcast deal could still spell the end

“I was stunned by Summit’s decision to recast the role,’” the 30-year old actress told Access Hollywood. Rachelle goes on to explain that she’d turned down ‘several’ roles to be ready for Twilight, and that her new role in ‘Barney’s Version,’ with the great Dustin Hoffman would ‘only’ cause a ten-day delay with her pre-arranged dates for ‘Eclipse.’

“Although the shooting schedule is over three-months long, Summit had a conflict during those ten days and would not accommodate me.” she egocentrically whines. “I am greatly saddened that I will not get to complete my portrayal, and I will forever be grateful for the fan support and loyalty I’ve received since being cast for the role.” her statement concludes.

Meanwhile at Summit, they don’t quite see it that way;

“We are disappointed by Rachelle’s comments, which attempt to make her own choices the fault of the studio,” says the acerbic reply. “Her reps were advised in April that ‘Eclipse’ would start shooting in August. It was not until July 20th that Summit was told of her commitment to ‘Barney’ – which she accepted in early June. Her choice to withhold this information can only be viewed as a lack of cooperative spirit that affected the entire production.”

Think that’s harsh? They’re not done, “Furthermore, the other film places her in Europe during vital rehearsal time, and at least ten days of photography. This time is essential for both rehearsal, and for filming at key locations.”

The studio end their rebuttal with quite evident relish; “It is simply untrue that the studio dismissed her over a 10-day overlap, It is not about an overlap, but that this is an ensemble production which has to accommodate the schedules of numerous actors, while still respecting both the filmmaker and story.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m siding with Summit: A total unknown gets a shot at a part with one of Hollywood’s great leading men – which she only got offered because of being in ‘Twilight’ – and grabs at the chance, egocentrically sure that an entire studio, the rest of the cast [who she claims are her friends,] and a whole crew will rework all the plans she’s known of for months – just to suit her.

‘Twilight: Eclipse’ will start filming on August 17th in Vancouver, Canada, and is timed for release at the end of next June. Maybe by then they can mop up the blood?

Photo: Jurvetson

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Twilight actress and studio duel on re-casting

Warner Brothers, in collusion with Legendary Pictures, their partner on such worldwide crowd-pleasers as “Batman: The Dark Knight,” and the tribal “300” have now confirmed the project is ongoing, and Mr. Raimi will be at the helm.

Since its online debut in mid-84, World of Warcraft – known to its 11-million online subscribers quite simply as ‘WoW’ – has crushed all pretenders to become the most heavily-played game in that genre’s whole life. And with a resume that includes such complimentary fare as three Spider Man films – with a fourth on the way – bringing Sam to this project now clearly makes it one of Warner’s best bets.

After tasting the box-office bounty of such films as ‘Batman TDK’ and the ‘Harry Potter’ collection, the studio is known to be hungry for fantasy themes, and ‘WoW’ may be just what they need. No date for production is yet on the cards yet, as the new movie must wait until Sam wraps production on Spider Man IV. But the Acnepril crowd must be in heaven at the news their devotion is now due to see daylight.

His last movie project, the dismal, ‘Drag Me to Hell,’ which debuted in May, was a box-office dud, scoring just $42-million on US screens. But Warner’s aren’t fazed – 2007′s Spider Man III, which Sam co-wrote and directed, made them $151-million in three days alone!

Source: NYT

Photo by Chan

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Sam Raimi signs-on to rule ‘World of Warcraft’

Universal execs, Peter Guber and Cathy Schulman worked for over two years to secure the rights to Frank’s life and music, and Warner’s [Frank's label,] have finally agreed. No actor has been named for the role but Leonardo di Caprio is thought to be Marty’s first pick, while the studio wants Johnny Depp.

Regardless of the star, the film’s pedigree is already superb – Scorsese. 67, will direct and produce, and the screenplay will be penned by Phil Alden Robinson, who wrote the 1989 Kevin Costner classic, ‘Field of Dreams.’

According to Ms. Shulman, the movie will be an ‘unconventional biopic’ that will explore every shade of Sinatra’s iconic and colorful life. Born in New Jersey in 1915, his countless love affairs and alleged Mafia ties made Frank an absolute gift for the Hollywood gossips. But the scale of his talent overcame their attentions, and both his peers and the world were soon enthralled by his style, “My father had great admiration for the people he worked with, and they had great admiration for him,” Frank’s daughter, Tina, told Variety. “It’s pleasing that this paradigm is continued with Marty at the helm of the film.”

Since his death in April 1998, plans for the movie have been constantly stalled by the complex task of trying to license Frank’s work. “Everyone knows that Marty is a final-cut director.” Ms. Shulman told the reporters. “So there had to be a lot of trust he would tell the story in a way that didn’t destroy Sinatra’s memory.”

The trust is well placed; With an Oscar, three BAFTA’s and two highly-prestigious ‘Golden Bears,’ they couldn’t have picked a more worthy guy.

No date for filming is available yet, but when they post one you’ll find it here.

NYC Sunset photo by FergusonPhoto

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Scorsese to direct biopic on Sinatra

They have just bowed a web site that will stream classic B-movies from Hollywood’s Golden Age. The site is currently screening twenty-seven films, including John Carpenter’s cult classic, “Dark Star,” plus “A Swingin’ Summer” and “Corridors of Blood.” And we’re promised more will be added over time, depending on demand and audience feedback.

“B-movies may have been low-budget and less publicized, but they had a huge fan base that transcended generations and still exists today,” Mac McKean, VP of digital media for AMC says in the official press release. “BMC is a new platform, giving film lovers direct access to movies from the ’50s and ’60s.”

The movies are currently shown in full-screen, which needs to change, but the new site is a welcome step on the right path; The Internet is the single greatest advance in mass communication since television and this new venture is yet more evidence of the two medium’s inexorable merger. Can you imagine the impact among movie buffs if MGM did the same?

If you love movies, bookmark the site and let’s see if they, or one of other majors has the foresight and nerve to follow AMC’s lead.

Photo by Kevi

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

AMC to show free, classic movies online

Not officially due for US release until May 1st, the grainy, unfinished bootleg hit the fileshare sites sometime late Tuesday, and had already been copied around 200,000 times before 20th Century Fox discovered the leak and got the file blocked.

Numerous reviews of the unfinished movie have emerged online, but Fox was quick to praise fans of the film, whose response to the theft has been universal chastisement. And like most current movies, Wolverine was also forensically marked, so the FBI should have no trouble tracing those responsible to begin prosecution.

In 2007, the horror film “Hostel, Part II” saw its revenues utterly shredded by just such a leak. “You could buy it for a quarter in Mexico City,” the film’s director, Eli Roth, said at the time. ”As a result, in a lot of countries where the piracy was bad, they didn’t even release it.”

The bottom-line is, filesharing’s easy. But what would you do if it was your income at stake?

Photo from Wikimedia

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

FBI to pursue Hugh Jackman theft

The subtlety of this widespread and inglorious compulsion has been declining for years, but starting next Monday, TNT plans to abandon any trace of restraint and begin almost beating their six loyal viewers over the head with the pitch.

On Monday they will launch a new series called, ‘Trust Me.’ based on the lives and dramas of a fictional ad agency in Chicago….But the products the agency sells will be real.

In the first two episodes alone, the list of brands due to be jammed into the eyes of anyone unfortunate enough to witness this brainless display of crass disrespect includes Apple, Green Giant, Hallmark, Frosted Flakes, Nike, Pillsbury, Potbelly Sandwiches, and even Starbucks.

In the industry, this dangerous new strain of intellectual insult is known as ‘branded entertainment,’ and was designed with the sole purpose of denying you and I, the viewers, any chance to skip over the ads or cut out commercials. Apparently, such displays of choice and free will might upset them; But for them to insult us like this is okay.

As it’s on TNT, the potential audience should only reach double figures in their bosses wildest delusions. But if [and please God, it's a big if !] it attracts an even mildly respectable rating and is not immediately and quite rightly shredded by the critics for such insulting greed, we could be looking at a very steep and extremely well-oiled slope: Once they see that patronizing the audience to this level actually makes money, the real networks will produce ‘branded’ dramas like weeds and American TV will devolve forever into a tasteless, relentless and utterly unwatchable billboard.

If you want to make money by making TV, you make a good show so people will watch, then add some commercials so you make a fair profit. What you don’t do is beat that audience over the head with the ads, then sit around in the Boardroom, knee-deep in Kleenex, trying desperately to define why your ratings are jammed in the low single-digits and your precious network’s in Chapter 11.

This shameful production is either the desperate act of a greed-driven and increasingly irrelevant medium, or the most creative promotion for the benefits of Netflix ever conceived by a sentient mind.

I shall leave all of you to decide.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

TNT Wants to Insult You…

Miramax and IFC are household names. And when someone who can count them as part of his resumé decides that the natural home for his next public venture is the web, the world of Entertainment has experienced a paradigm shift. And in the right direction.

The exec in question is Mark Lipsky. He’s decided to launch a new venue for independent movies, and the whole operation is housed online. If a service gives Indie producers and their films more exposure, without being governed or crushed by the greedy conglomerates, I’m an implacable fan.

Audiences will be able to enjoy the newest independent productions – most of them making their worldwide debut – for less than $3. And no commercials to get in the way. You can find the story at Wired.com And the new indie theater is housed in this rather elegant site.

Mark my words, folks, this is the future. In the 20+ years since its modest arrival, the Internet has woven itself into every key aspect of modern humanity. We’re now at a point where even the briefest of downtime makes civilized life an impossible dream. I saw an offer today from Spectrotel phone lines – A month of free service, unlimited calls, and loads of great features, with long-distance included…But you have to sign-up online. See what I mean?

Hulu and You Tube brought TV to the web, Spectrotel’s leveraging it to save clients a bundle, iTunes has the soundtrack, and now Massive is bringing the Movies. Show your own Grandchildren a book in ten years and they’ll think you lived in a cave! The valiant savior of Independent films is no longer that Lion, but a sleek little mouse. And that’s just fine by me.

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Bravo for Online Independence!

In yet another endeavor to cement its position as the television network for those who think cardigans are cutting-edge fashion, CBS has announced plans to add ‘mini-shows’ between their real shows.

I’m not sure what those in charge at ‘the Eye’ are inhaling to form an idea so creatively obtuse, but I want 10lbs of it…Now!

The logic appears to be that their Advertisers are scared of the DVR, so in a bid to persuade you a commercial isn’t really a commercial at all they’re going to run mini-shows during the breaks, featuring Lara Spencer cooking an advertiser’s product while gossiping about the ongoing show.

The objective is clearly to increase sales. And can you guess whose sales will increase the most? Depends!

On the rare occasions when American television produces a show aimed above the IQ of wool, people wait for the break to adjourn to the bathroom. If we’re now to experience endearing young ladies sharing down-home cooking and fireside scoop, every non-gay male in that show’s demographic will collapse in incontinent torment.

I’m sure Ms. Spencer is charming and gifted, but this is, at the least an ill-conceived move. People use DVR’s because they’re sick of incessant adverts that ruin the shows. If you paint the ads to look like a show, people will skip those as well. Then what are you planning to do??

Like the other networks, CBS clearly needs to cut costs and raise income in the current economy. My suggestion would be to stop sipping whatever flavor of Kool-Aid makes you think it takes eleven producers, earning six-figures a year to make 22-minutes of television that’s so insipid, the only laughter it causes is done by machine. If any of you have some budget ideas, I’m sure CBS would be delighted to hear them. Join in, leave a comment and let’s chew this over.

Photo by: Midweek Post

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Good TV? It Depends…

Hello, and welcome to Chapter 46 of “How Google Took Over The World.” With market share for their rather wonderful browser starting to inexplicably slide, everyone’s favorite billionaire geeks have announced a new and much-anticipated tactic in their ceaseless march towards world domination: Full-length TV shows on You Tube.

They’ve just released a new widescreen player that’s claimed to be capable of producing a passable representation of the human form, rather than the rather curious, Picasso-style  monsters that have so long been their staple fare. The next logical step was content to fill them, and one of the first shows to ‘air’  will be Star Trek.

You can’t say those Google guys don’t know their audience.

You Tube’s familiar menu of short-format videos are usually free of commercials but sadly this strange new world will have ads before, after and even during the shows. To me, that’s a bad idea. Everyone – even geeks – hates ads. And Star Trek alone is over forty years old – How costly can such antiquity be??

There are several sites already online that offer TV content in various forms, and trust me – most of it’s offal! Hulu is the only one that’s captured public attention, and this is clearly Google’s reply. The world is changing and most of the change is coming by air. Digital TV is just a few months away and the restless evolution of computers, cellphones and the Internet itself means people are watching in a litany of ways. The audience is moving online, and TV Exec’s have been scared to give chase. This is a bold, first step.

Mark the date, folks. I see a day, not long from now, when your current TV will look as out of place in your home as a Tank. The day will soon dawn when your TV, computer, media players and phone will comprise a single, cohesive unit. And every part will be live and online. Our own parents would be unable to grasp it.

Personally, I relish that dawn.

Photo by MWichary

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Primetime Goes Online…

Text © 2009, The Loquacious Limey
All rights reserved.

Hasta la Vista, Vancouver!